You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
