Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
