hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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