Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
