Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
