she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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