Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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