i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
