So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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