Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
