he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
