How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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