he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e