He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
