don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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