i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
