Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
