Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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