Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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