Buhtt sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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