Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
