look no pants
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
