after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Boobs speak an international language.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
