Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
