I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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