Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
