He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
