i don't like sucking hair
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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