Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
