I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
