i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
