pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
