I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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