if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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