I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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