The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
