the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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