So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
