My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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