I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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