So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
