I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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