i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you had me at cake vodka
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
