it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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