Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
