Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
