My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
