You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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