happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
