I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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