don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
