i don't plan on having that self control this summer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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