I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want a musical about memes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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