For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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