I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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