She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
