I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize