I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
