We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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