just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
