Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
