My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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