i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
