dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
