Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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