Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
