i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
