I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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