Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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