oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
