It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
